But emotions have their place at work, much as many of us like to pretend that our jobs are all business. Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy have written two excellent books on the topic. "No Hard Feelings" describes the need and value of bringing your emotions to work in a balanced way, while "Big Feelings" discusses how to deal with the difficult feelings we all face at times.

Sometimes we're dealing with big feelings in our personal lives. We might need support. And acknowledging and addressing our emotional needs can help us to get our work done.

Feelings Too Big to Hide at Work

Last year, I struggled with my big feelings around major life transitions. I hadn't mentioned these personal events to any colleagues. Then I attended a team-building event where the whole company got together.

It started with an ice-breaker exercise and I found myself face-to-face with the head of the whole company. We had a question to discuss that looked innocent on the surface, but it also got a bit personal. As I started answering the question, I began to cry, right in front of him.

He didn't know the context for my breakdown, as it wasn't really contained in the question or my answer. But I'm grateful for his kind and even-handed response. It was a wake-up call for me that I needed support during this tough time. My feelings were too big to keep to myself – and too overwhelming to successfully fence off from my working life.

Finding Support

Ultimately, work is what helped me navigate these big feelings. I spoke to supportive colleagues about my life changes. I also attended a program called "Tea and Talk," offered by my company's Mental Health First Aid initiative. One colleague led these monthly sessions, facilitating laid-back discussions around a mental health topic while we all chatted over coffee or tea.

Sometimes we need to take time off to navigate big feelings. For me, it was the opposite – I found that my work provided a necessary distraction from getting too overwhelmed by emotions.

Having something useful to do helped me feel productive during a difficult time. And when I needed to take small breaks during the day to process emotions by doing things like taking a walk or grabbing a cup of tea, my flexible working schedule allowed me to take them.

Feeling and Connecting

Bringing my feelings to work, like I'm doing right now in this blog, helps me connect with others, whether it's through the content I write or my relationships with colleagues. I've realized that knowing how to handle my emotions in a healthy way makes me better at my job.

So, don't leave your big feelings behind when you start your workday. They won't stay there. Learn how to bring them gracefully into your professional life, and they'll enrich the work you do!

Listen to Our "Big Feelings and No Hard Feelings" Book Insight

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About the Author

Melanie has worked as a writer, freelance and in-house editor, university writing instructor, and language teacher. She is the author of a short story collection, "Dream Signs," and a non-fiction book, "The Modern Enneagram." Melanie has written for several publications including Huffington Post, Cicada, and Contrary Magazine. And she is a certified teacher of the Enneagram, a personality typology that illuminates people's core motivations.

The post When Big Feelings Come to Work  appeared first on Mind Tools.

That's it, what to say about... Oh wait up, what's this? An email alert from the boss. Can't ignore that. And my phone just pinged me. And before you know it, an hour's gone by and this blog is going nowhere.

It's a problem we've likely all faced. It's difficult to give your attention to just one thing over the course of a working day. When did you last manage it? So many other nudges, notifications and essential updates jostle for your attention.

And that's just the work stuff. Add all the funny noises my phone makes, and a bad day can be a constant battle to concentrate on anything.

A Crisis of Focus

This is a relatively recent phenomenon. But it's getting worse. How much worse? Well, as Johann Hari is keen to explain in his book "Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention," the forces determined to attract and keep our attention are everywhere, and they're enormously powerful.

And we aren't doing enough to help ourselves. Sound like something from the "Matrix" movie franchise? It's not. "Stolen Focus" isn't a bunch of conspiracy theories. It’s based on many interviews with leading experts in everything from Big Tech to sleep deprivation.

And the picture they paint is a disturbing one.

The Battle for Attention

First, they really are out to get us. There are whole industries dedicated to grabbing our attention. They offer what we think of as rewards – bonus points, membership privileges, that sort of thing – and in return we give them our data.

Then they use that data to build complex profiles of us so that they can put adverts before us for things they know we want.

If that sounds sinister, consider what else behavioral scientists and data analysts can use that data for. They can predict not just what we might want to buy, but what we think about bigger issues. Even how we might vote. If they can predict something, they will likely try to influence it.

Sure, we can switch off our devices. We can lock them away. If we're lucky, we can escape to remote locations – as Hari does. But we're still susceptible. We're still experiencing something close to addiction.

How We Steal Our Own Focus

Second, we harm our own attention from the moment we get up. All too often we grab high-fat, high-sugar snacks rather than proper food. We expose ourselves to brain-damaging pollution daily.

When we do finally put aside the screens to go to bed, we can't sleep properly. So our brains are exhausted, and our ability to focus takes another knock.

Many of us also live in cultures that value the quick fix. So doctors prescribe vast quantities of drugs to treat ADHD, depression and sleeplessness, while leaving the root causes untouched.

In some cases, these causes are to do with innate psychological problems and brain chemistry. But for many people, maybe most, it's the environment in which they live that's the problem.

The Will to Change – and Why We Often Can't

There's another insidious factor at work, and again it's cultural. Hari calls it "cruel optimism." We all want to believe that we can change. That belief should be empowering.

But it's double-edged. If we fail to give up junk food, Twitter, or playing video games until 3 a.m., it's on us. Our willpower's the problem. Never mind that billions of dollars are spent every year trying to overcome that willpower.

Reclaiming Our Attention

It's a grim picture. So are there any positives? Well, we can take steps to change the way we behave as individuals, cruel optimism or not. Hari outlines them. And we can learn lessons from some societies that have taken steps to address this constant erosion of attention.

But Hari's main targets throughout are larger scale. They're industrial complexes and dysfunctional societies. And they will only change how they behave through collective action. Whether it's because customers or activists demand it, or governments enforce it, it'll still be a long-term battle.

"Stolen Focus" is a wake-up call. It deserves our attention – if we can spare it. Because the consequences of whole societies being in a state of distraction are dire. They certainly go beyond whether this blog gets finished or not.

So I'll definitely be turning off the laptop earlier, and spending more time with a good book. As soon as I've checked Twitter, obviously.

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About the Author

Simon has been researching, writing and editing non-fiction for over 30 years. In that time he's worked on educational courses, scientific journals, and mass-market trade books about everything from popular psychology to buying houses in Bulgaria. In the last 20 years he's specialized in simplifying complex subjects, and helping readers to learn new skills. Away from work he listens to good music, watches bad football, and is fascinated by medieval history.

The post Time to Focus on Our Dangerous Lack of Focus appeared first on Mind Tools.

I was recently out for a social occasion with some former teammates from my days in publishing. We were colleagues for nearly a decade. We've been through a lot together, and we're pretty close. Inevitably, we reminisced.

After a few laughs, someone said, "Oh, and what about Michael?" The mood changed instantly. Eyes were rolled. Heads were shaken. Words were used which had no place in a friendly gathering. The contempt and loathing were unanimous.

When Middle Managers Go Bad

Michael – not his real name, for obvious reasons – had been our manager. What you'd call a "middle manager." Neither C-suiter nor grunt, he was responsible for presenting the numbers to the next managerial layer up. And responsible for us.

Seen from above, I've no doubt that Michael was a model of competence. He hit targets and trimmed costs. He smoothed any potential turbulence, shielding his own superiors from the serious organizational problems being faced by team members.

From below, he was a nightmare. Untrustworthy, evasive and weak, he would go weeks without speaking to any of us outside formal meetings. As a close-knit group working on outlier projects, we probably weren't the easiest bunch to manage. But Michael didn't try.

The Stretched Middle

Michael's brand of "managing up" is just one reason why middle managers get a bad rap. And yet it's easy to see why it happens. Middle managers are often forced to flip between directing their teams and deferring to their superiors. They end up working on behalf of their reports and appeasing bosses who aren't interested in their problems, as long as the numbers look good.

It's no wonder some of them take the easy option. Others try to face both ways at the same time, fall short, and suffer stress or even burnout.

This is the situation the book "Power to the Middle" addresses. Written by three McKinsey consultants with substantial experience of middle management, the book acknowledges that middle managers are in the midst of a crisis. But it doesn't have to be that way.

A Better Way for Middle Managers?

Back to the social gathering. Also present was the manager who had set up the team in the first place. Let's call her Kate. Before being made redundant – a frequent fate for middle managers – Kate had recruited us, built our skills and invested time in us.

She had also shielded us from the politics and maneuvering of the layer above her. And she was with us that evening as a friend, not a former manager.

The authors of "Power to the Middle" would approve of Kate. She's their kind of middle manager. But she could only truly have flourished in an enlightened organization. Enlightened enough to see her potential as a developer of people. To free her from micro-reporting and infighting. Our employer wasn't that organization. Kate went, and we got Michael.

Freedom From Above

Typically, Kate is diplomatic about Michael. She understands the pressures that make him what he is. But she's also certain that her way of doing things is the right way. Her reports would agree. Her own bosses might have seen the point too, if they could've looked away from a culture based on the short-term fix. It's a big ask. But doesn't a culture in which people are free to develop their own skills and their teams' sound like a healthier option?

The authors of "Power to the Middle" think so. They place revitalized middle managers at the very heart of healthy organization, empowered by an enlightened C-suite. And isn't that where they ought to be?

Listen to Our "Power to the Middle" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio downloads.

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If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

About the Author

Simon has been researching, writing and editing non-fiction for over 30 years. In that time he’s worked on educational courses, scientific journals, and mass-market trade books about everything from popular psychology to buying houses in Bulgaria. In the last 20 years he’s specialized in simplifying complex subjects, and helping readers to learn new skills. Away from work he listens to good music, watches bad football, and is fascinated by medieval history.

The post Why Middle Managers Need Better Managing appeared first on Mind Tools.

Ever since I fell for an official-looking phishing email, I’ve learned to be wary. Those threatening calls from insurance companies or the IRS? They don't usually come from the entities they claim to be. Especially if there’s plenty of noise from a call center in the background!

I've also avoided becoming an "accidental perpetrator" of fraud. I once ordered a package of heavy-duty cleaning wipes from Amazon. When they didn't show up after the website claimed they were delivered, I asked the company to resend them. The next day, the cleaning wipes appeared on my doorstep. Yet a new supply was in transit.

I could easily have kept two sets of cleaning wipes for the price of one. But I followed the procedure and reported to Amazon that I'd now received the original package. They then recalled the other one.

The Whys Behind Fraud 

In her book "Fool Me Once," forensic accounting professor Kelly Richmond Pope delves into the psychology of fraud. She looks at the reasons people commit, fall for and report it.

She sets out to raise readers' awareness of potential frauds they may encounter and encourages them to speak up when they see something suspicious. 

Who commits fraud, and why? Who falls for it, and why? In the case of the phishing email I mentioned, I fell for a false sense of urgency and the belief that some software needed to be updated. Sure, that is the sort of thing that does happen, but it's best to check the email address before clicking on a link. 

A Near Miss With Crossing the Line

And what about my own narrowly averted commission of fraud? My episode with the cleaning wipes may sound low stakes. After all, would any harm have been done if I'd kept a second set without reporting that the first had arrived? I would have simply been benefiting from someone else's mistake.

But it's easy to shift blame in such an instance. What if, instead of cleaning wipes, my employer had accidentally overpaid my salary? You can see how simple it is to cross the line from innocence into what is, in fact, crime.

If it's that easy to commit fraud, no wonder it's so widespread.

Fraud and Fraudsters

"Fool Me Once" covers the whole fraud spectrum, from simple examples like mine to grandiose cases like that of comptroller Rita Crundwell. She had sole oversight of the finances of Dixon, Illinois – and stole $53 million over the years, which she spent on 400 horses and other luxuries.

The book offers a wealth of juicy and enlightening information about fraud, the people behind it and why they did it. And it turns the tables on many people's views of whistleblowers.

Often, they face negativity for being "snitches," but I can see Pope’s point that it takes moral courage to speak up. 

The book encourages us all to cultivate this type of moral courage, along with commonsense vigilance – such as keeping an eye on any financial transactions we have a say over. We can't always avoid fraud. But we can practice keeping our eyes open. 

And if we happen to receive an extra batch of cleaning wipes, the least we can do is send them back!

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About the Author:

Melanie has worked as a writer, freelance and in-house editor, university writing instructor, and language teacher. She is the author of a short story collection, "Dream Signs," and a non-fiction book, "The Modern Enneagram." She has written for several publications including Huffington Post, Cicada, and Contrary Magazine. She is a certified teacher of the Enneagram, a personality typology that illuminates people's core motivations.

The post Blowing the Whistle on Fraud appeared first on Mind Tools.

I was surprised to learn that a Victorian soap-making company built Port Sunlight for its workers. "Sunlight" was the name of their leading soap brand. The name of the company was Lever Brothers.

I say I was surprised because this was at odds with what I thought I knew about industrial life in Victorian England. I'd read Dickens' novels – even the really long ones. I knew about the boot-blacking factories, the grim northern mills, and the struggles of the urban poor.

The Correct Use of Soap

So what were the people who conceived Port Sunlight thinking? OK, it was built toward the end of the Victorian era. Fewer children were working in hard manual labor, and most were learning to read and write. But even so, Port Sunlight was radical. Was it just an example of paternalism? Was the bosses' mission just to look after the little people out of a sense of self-regarding righteousness?

Turns out it was simpler than that. A happy, healthy, well-housed workforce performed better. Port Sunlight was good for business. Lever Brothers started out by making a product that promoted cleanliness and good health, at a time when public health was going through a revolution. And they built that promotion into their own business.

Mission Control Is Working With a Purpose

Fast forward 100 years or so, to 2009. Lever Brothers have come a long way. Under the name Unilever, the company has grown into a huge, diversified group with interests in foods, chemicals, and a wide range of domestic products. And it's got problems.

That's where one of the co-authors of "Net Positive: How Courageous Companies Thrive by Giving More Than They Take" comes in. He's Paul Polman, former CEO of Unilever. When he took over the company, it was in the doldrums. Growth was flat, shareholders were restless. The company was a case study in tired, industry-standard practice. Short-term profits were prioritized over investment and development.

Polman understood that Unilever needed to rediscover its purpose – a word that's everywhere in "Net Positive." Because companies that have a wider mission than simply delivering profits for shareholders will likely end up ahead of the market. And along the way they can do real good in the world.

Lever Brothers had begun its journey toward becoming a global commercial juggernaut by looking after its people. Those people, in turn, had gone to work to make a major contribution to Britain's late-19th-century public health revolution.

So, a century or so later, Polman brought the senior managers of the company together to rediscover their corporate purpose at the place where it all began: Port Sunlight.

Mission Brings Meaning to Work

"Net Positive" charts Unilever's drive to become one of the world's most environmentally and socially aware corporations. A business that seeks not only to be neutral in impact, but to actively make the world better.

If you think of the enormous demands that manufacturing corporations make on natural resources, to name but one area, it's a tough ask. And Unilever has a negative history to address. Sunlight Soap, which set the whole ball rolling, way back when, was made using palm oil – a resource whose production is now identified as one of the most damaging to biodiversity.

But the effort seems to be sincere. It's rooted in a revolution in corporate culture. Employees are challenged to find their personal purpose and their personal mission, and they're held accountable for what they do. The "Unilever Sustainable Living Plan" brings sustainability to the fore and sets tough benchmarks. And Unilever has rediscovered what its founders learned back in the day: treating people decently is good for business.

A Sustainable Way Forward?

You could be very cynical about "Net Positive," and Unilever. Global corporations must, at some point, turn in healthy profits. They aren't charities. Corporations often pride themselves on their toughness, in a macho way. And "greenwashing" has become widespread. I remember the collapse of Enron, and the global banking crisis of 2009. I reserve the right to be skeptical.

But I also remember Port Sunlight. And I remember that I've lived in far worse housing, and that many people still do. Unilever is on the record as a company that recognizes its history, and understands its future responsibilities. And if it leads the way for others to follow, then maybe we do have the basis for a revolution in corporate thinking.

Listen to Our "Net Positive" Book Insight

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Do businesses have a responsibility to deliver more than just profits for shareholders? Should they put sustainability on an equal footing? Let us know in the Comments, below.

The post Mission Possible: Saving the World appeared first on Mind Tools.

I'd seen the Northern Lights that year over my house and was captivated by them. They don't appear often in my childhood home of Prince Edward Island, Canada. Their traces were faint, bands of green and white flickering among the stars. I felt connected with the wonder of the universe we live in.

Invention Inspiration

For my enrichment project, I researched the Northern Lights. I learned about the science behind them as well as the myths connected to them. I made a collage of pictures. Then I found something cool on the internet: instructions for making a simulator that could imitate the Northern Lights.

It involved a bell jar, an ikebana frog (not an amphibian but a type of Japanese flower-arranging equipment!), and the application of an electric current. The result was a glow that looked like the aurora. Of course, I wanted to build a simulator myself.

The Trouble With Invention

I continued with my Northern Lights simulator idea for a science project. I found a high school teacher who was excited to work with me on it. We got the equipment, put it together, and turned the current on. Nope. Nothing!

I came up with theories that I thought might explain why it didn't work. I won a prize at the school science fair with my not-yet-working experiment and went on to the provincial fair, with time in between to test my theories out.

We never did get the simulator to work, but it was a good exercise in troubleshooting. An invention like that just needed more than a couple of theories and more than a couple of tries.

Trying Times

In her book "The Alchemy of Us," materials scientist and writer Ainissa Ramirez introduces us to the stories behind the inventions that shaped our world. I loved reading about how better clocks changed our ways of sleeping, how they changed how we interact with each other. I loved learning how carbon filaments created better lighting but also light pollution, and how computers are changing our brains.

The author wants us to see ourselves reflected in the stories, so she crafted careful portraits of the inventors as people. Readers get to know a little about their interests, hopes and flaws. They also learn just how much effort these people put in.

Several of the inventors tried and tried again for years, experimenting with different materials until their ideas became a physical reality. Some of them collaborated, as I did with my high school science teacher. It often takes a lot of work to create something impactful.

Inventions and Their Unintended Consequences

"The Alchemy of Us" highlights the value of innovating, but also of thinking critically about what we do and what the consequences of an invention might be. Technology comes from the material world, and it impacts that world in far-reaching and unforeseen ways.

You read about all those inventions and think about how brilliant the world is, the complicated ways in which it works. And all the ways that our inventions shape it. You read about the inventors and think, "Maybe I can be brilliant, too."

The wonder of the world around us is the source of those inventions – the same wonder that inspired me to give a Northern Lights simulator a go.

The book worked. After reading it, I want to learn. I want to take risks. Maybe it's time for another science experiment…

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What inventions have affected you the most? What would you like someone to invent next? Let us know in the comments, below.

The post Nature Was the Mother of My Invention appeared first on Mind Tools.

I was sure the rainbow trees were real and begged my mother to take me back to see them. She didn't know what I was talking about, but she complied. We walked and walked but never reached the rainbow trees. I persisted in believing they were there, just out of reach, and longing to visit that place someday.

Susan Cain's "Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole," describes my childhood feeling as a longing for transcendence. Cain is best known as the bestselling author of a book on introversion called, "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking."

"Bittersweet" takes a similarly reflective subject to "Quiet" and focuses on feelings of sorrow and longing, and how these can be constructive and healing – even in cultures where they are undervalued.

Even Sadness Has Its Upsides

Imagine how unusual it would be to find a quiz on Buzzfeed asking, "How Bittersweet Are You?" Cain provides just such a quiz in her book.

I grew out of my belief in the rainbow trees and into a kid who read and read. And then into a teenager and adult who wrote and wrote: melancholy poetry, gloomy songs, and stories and plays about death. So, it shocked me not one bit when I scored highly on Cain's bittersweetness quiz.

It looks fluffy when you take it, but exploratory research has found correlations between bittersweetness and creativity and spirituality. And on the downside, anxiety and depression.

But there are lots of warnings about the dangers of too much bittersweetness, so it was nice to encounter a book exploring its good side.

Bittersweetness connects us to others, says Cain. It helps us to transcend ourselves. It's part of being human, stemming from our awareness that life is finite. If we squash down those feelings, we're missing out on their benefits.

Crying With Laughter

With the rise of TikTok, I've watched the publishing world begin to value and capitalize on bittersweetness. In 2021, the New York Times ran an article titled, "How Crying on TikTok Sells Books."

It's true: tear-jerking titles and readers' earnest responses have resulted in a lot of book sales. BookTok has shown that people value this emotional connection and state of mind. (And we probably didn't need video media to tell us this; Taylor Swift's popular break-up songs are another example.) Susan Cain's book goes a long way toward explaining why.

As I watch my play about mortality go into rehearsals and prepare for the e-book launch of my novel about failure, it's comforting to know that someone finds value in the way I see the world. Especially as someone trying my best to make art and hoping it connects with people.

Finding Comfort in Sadness

Not all of my writing is bittersweet, but I think Cain has identified my personal brand. It's reassuring to think that I might be doing something useful.

I recently recommended "Bittersweet" to someone I met socially. The result was interesting. At first, her face scrunched up, "A book about sadness?" As I gave more detail, her expression illuminated, "Oh, that makes sense. It's like when you break up with someone and listen to sad music."

In the end, we agreed: yes, sadness has value to offer us. And maybe she'll go on to read the book, or maybe she won't. Either way, talking about it offered a moment of connection.

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How does sadness affect you? How do you deal with it? Let us know in the comments, below.

The post Why Did a Book About Sadness Make Me So Happy? appeared first on Mind Tools.

But it's true, particularly when I'm talking in person. When it comes to some of the most difficult conversations I've had in my life, I could and should have done a lot better.

Feeling Lost for Words

Take when my friend Pete got in touch to tell me that his cancer was back. I stammered some platitudes about always having hope. About being strong. You know the sort of thing. What I simply couldn't do was ask him how he felt. And I've known him for over 30 years.

Or there's my younger son, who's traveling the world at the moment. He's about as different from me as you could imagine – articulate, contentious and outgoing. I miss him, a lot.

And I'm scared. It's a big world and not everyone in it has his best interests at heart. When he messages us to say that he's staying with some guys he met in a club, I visualize situations I can only look at through my fingers.

Some days I just go and sit in his room. I riffle through his vinyl record collection, finding stuff I've given him, and thinking about the tracks he's recommended to me. Things we've shared.

But when I pick him up from the airport, will I be able to tell him that? Will I be able to tell him about the fear? I doubt it. He won't want to hear it, and I won't make a very good job of the explanation. Best that I leave it.

Mad, Sad or Glad?

When professor Brené Brown was conducting research into the language of feeling, she asked people to keep a record of the changing emotions they experienced.

She analyzed responses from around 7,000 people. The vast majority could label just three emotions: anger, sadness and happiness.

For Brown, this lies at the heart of a widespread crisis of emotional communication. We can't talk properly about how we're feeling if we can't name and describe our feelings. So she set out to write a book to help. It's called "Atlas of the Heart."

What Hidden Feeling Lies Beneath

This book does a bit better than naming three emotions. In fact, it isolates and defines 87 of them. And most of them, most of the time, are feelings we don't understand.

Think about anger. Those outbursts of incoherent rage are usually just superficial. There's a whole bunch of contributory emotions swirling beneath the surface. Fear, shame, betrayal.

But we can only identify the anger. And without being able to understand exactly what we're feeling and why, we'll likely always struggle to do anything about it.

Terms of Engagement

There's a refreshing clarity to this book. I'd never really thought about the difference between empathy and sympathy, for example. I'd probably have had them down as near-synonyms. But Brown's distinction is precise.

Empathy is an emotional skill that allows us to understand what someone is experiencing, and to reflect it back. It emphasizes closeness and engagement. By contrast, sympathy says, "I feel sorry for you," but with separation and distance. It says, "I'm sad, but I'm glad it's not me."

In Search of Meaningful Connection

"Atlas of the Heart" is full of this kind of acute observation. It's a reference book for anyone who struggles to understand how they're feeling or to put it into words.

And Brown spells out a larger project in the book's subtitle, "Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience." This book isn't just a glossary of terms. That idea of meaningful connection is vital.

It's great to know the difference between empathy and sympathy, for example, but more important to know how to be empathic. Learning the language is just one step. Speaking it daily is the vital part.

Because if we don't properly understand ourselves, or each other, how are we ever going to get along?

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How well do you understand your own emotions? What words do you use to describe them? Let us know in the comments, below.

The post How Am I Feeling? It's Hard to Say appeared first on Mind Tools.

I can see myself now: sitting cross-legged on my bed with tears pouring down my face. All as I tried to explain to the person on the other end of the phone how dreadful I felt. And why I couldn't face going back to work.

The doctor had signed me off with a list of reasons so long that it barely fitted on the sick note. Grief, bereavement, depression, anxiety, stress, and other words to that effect. Yet that lengthy diagnosis didn't do justice to how bereft I felt.

Meaning and Meaningless

If only I'd had Lewis' book "Toxic: A Guide to Rebuilding Respect and Tolerance in a Hostile Workplace," by my side. It might have helped me to make sense of myself.

In this excellent book, Lewis argues that many workers today suffer a feeling of "total and utter meaninglessness." That they "lack the awareness of a meaning worth living for." They suffer from what psychiatrist and neurologist Victor Frankl referred to as "the existential vacuum."

These phrases describe exactly how I was feeling back then. Granted, my father had died; I'd lost a parent in my mid-30s. It was a time when I was single, without children, living alone, and far away from other family members. It was a big deal.

But the emptiness I felt was bigger than my grief. Or maybe grief put me in touch with the void.

As I stared out of the window of my one-bedroom flat, I wondered what on earth I'd been striving for. Is this it? I asked.

The Meaning of Life

I'd given my all to my career. And in return, my career had given me a sense of achievement, a sense of belonging, opportunities for adventure, and bucketloads of adrenaline.

The problem was I'd given so much that I had nothing left. I felt exhausted, empty and alone. I'd worked my socks off. But for what?

What was even more confusing was that I had an amazing job. I was, during this psychological crisis, a political journalist for Reuters. I worked at a desk in the U.K. Parliament and regularly popped into Downing Street or traveled on the Prime Minister's plane.

Shouldn't I feel happy and fulfilled? I see now that the job, no matter how impressive it was, was no longer fulfilling me at all. There had to be something more, a different way to use my talents.

Potential Pitfalls

In "Toxic," Lewis also says that mental health issues are often based on the tension between what one has achieved and what one has the potential to become.

I knew I had more potential but didn't know how to do anything else. Until it dawned on me that, instead of writing about politics, I could write about myself.

I started to blog about how lost I felt, by then aged 40, still single and childless, still trying to figure out what to do with my life. Shouldn't I have this sorted by now? I blogged about my struggles with an eating disorder and my tendency to fall into unhealthy relationships. I blogged about the stuff that meant something to me.

As I wrote from the heart, people in the same boat – mostly professional women with impressive careers but no partners and no kids – wrote and thanked me for telling their stories. For helping them to make sense of their lives. And that feedback meant more to me than my most-read Reuters stories, even the ones that ended up in prestigious newspapers.

Solve the Evolve Conundrum

This sense of meaning I'd found gave me the courage and the energy to keep going, to write a book and to build a business that supports others and brings me fulfillment.

So, what can organizations, businesses, and managers, learn from my experience of breakdown? And what too from what Lewis says in this book about the importance of finding meaning?

The key takeaway, I think, is to understand what makes people tick. But to also appreciate that what made them tick in their 30s, may no longer make them tick in their 40s or 50s.

As humans, we change and evolve and some of us need our careers to evolve with us. If they don't, we may lose that sense of meaning.

Meaning Makes Business Sense

We may become depressed, we may take out our resentment on colleagues at work – become the bullies or bad managers Lewis writes about. We may fall ill, physically or mentally, or we may look elsewhere for more fulfilling work.

It may be a tall order but making sure employees feel a sense of meaning makes perfect business sense.

I like to imagine a utopia where everyone is playing to their strengths and achieving their full potential, with balance and self-care. In a world in which employees are happy and healthy, their loved ones are too, and organizations flourish and prosper.

Lewis' statistics on employee disengagement and the picture he paints of toxic workplaces suggest we have a long way to go. But his tally of the huge personal and financial costs of mental health issues suggests this dream is worth fighting for.

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The post How Work Without Meaning Can Be Toxic Too appeared first on Mind Tools.

Even if we usually feel OK as we go about our day, running into that thing makes our anxiety spike – and we start telling stories in our head about what an inadequate person we are.

You might think of it as your inner demon or the dark side of your brain.

Self-Esteem's Bottom Line

While reading Melanie Fennell's ground-breaking and practical book "Overcoming Low Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques," I was reminded of my own demons.

One of them likes to come out when I feel criticized. I react with touchiness and retreat from whoever I perceive as a source of criticism. The author says this is perfectly normal.

I learned that low self-esteem, whether a regular occurrence or triggered by situations, starts with a negative belief about the self that she calls a "Bottom Line." Mine whispers, “You always mess up, there's something wrong with you.”

The book explains that we make "Rules for Living" that we impose upon ourselves to avoid triggering our Bottom Line beliefs. If I feel I am bad, for example, I might try to avoid that feeling by acting "good."

And guess what? It's stressful to try to be good all the time! Avoiding negative feelings about ourselves costs us a lot of time and energy.

Changing Your Self-Esteem Story

So what can we do instead? The book led me through exercises in noticing my negative thinking, seeing how it affects my actions, then brainstorming alternatives and putting them into practice.

For instance, what do I do to avoid getting criticized? Sometimes I avoid people or freeze up around them. Is that helpful behavior? Not really! Better to engage and have a discussion, which is more likely to lead to resolution.

The book also had readers inventory their positive qualities. This wasn't just a nice but vague list. (I've made those before, usually in cover letters for jobs!)

Look for the Good: You'll Find It

It drew on the things that I'd done recently and had me identify what good qualities they showed about myself.

As an example, I made some art during Emerald Works' Learning Fest, demonstrating creativity and dedication to completing a task.

The real insight for me is that the activity doesn't require you to always demonstrate these positive qualities. Even if they only emerge in something you do occasionally, this still shows that you have them!

What's Your Demon?

I'd recommend reading "Overcoming Low Self-Esteem" if you want to work on building a more balanced view of yourself. It's long and involves a lot of activities: however, it's an easy read.

I've read a lot of psychology books and made sincere efforts to shift my thoughts and behavior. But this book had fresh insights to offer, even to a seasoned reader in the field.

If I think of the demon metaphor (mine, not the book's), it's as if I've been letting that demon write the story of my life.

"Overcoming Low Self-Esteem" focuses on putting that pen back in my hand and ensuring that I'm the one writing the story. What do you want your story to be?

Download Our "Overcoming Low Self-Esteem" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio downloads.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Premium Club member or corporate user, download or stream the "Overcoming Low Self-Esteem" Book Insight review now.

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licencing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

Do you know your inner demon well? What does it have to say? What could you say back to it? Let us know in the comments!

The post Self-Esteem: When My Inner Demon Gets It Wrong appeared first on Mind Tools.