This connection was recognized by the entrepreneur and communications expert Morra Aarons-Mele and she explores it in her hit podcast, The Anxious Achiever. 

Anxiety’s Upside 

She has now written a book of that name, subtitled “Turn Your Biggest Fears Into Your Leadership Superpower.” When I spoke to Aarons-Mele for our latest Mind Tools Expert Interview, she explained how anxiety can be a double-edged sword. 

Here's an excerpt. (You can stream the audio clip below or read a transcript here.)

For the anxious among us, it’s nice to know there can be an upside to the uncomfortable symptoms we often feel: racing heart, churning stomach, aching brain.  

The trick is to “look our anxiety in the face and work with it,” Aarons-Mele says. Then we can harness the powerful drivers of those symptoms to produce our best work and reduce our discomfort. 

Freeing Yourself From Thought Traps

In her book, she shines a light on what causes anxiety in conscientious people, including negative self-talk, all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophizing, and overthinking. In each case, she offers tips for escaping those thought traps. 

For example, if you can recognize that you’re catastrophizing, you can actively try to interrupt those thoughts with more rational ones.  

“I can literally try to replace the instantaneous thought of, ‘It’s all your fault. You suck. You’re getting fired,’ with, ‘Okay, maybe this wasn’t your best month. Let’s look at the data. Let’s try to just bring some more neutral information in. Let’s try to breathe. Even if you did get fired, let’s play out the worst-case scenario and see what would happen’,” she says. “That kind of interruption for me – and it’s evidence based – is really powerful.” 

Perfectionism Is Anxiety 

As a recovering perfectionist myself, I was interested that Aarons-Mele devotes a whole chapter to perfectionism. 

When I asked her why, she said that perfectionism is a common problem for anxious achievers, and it’s often misunderstood.  

“Perfectionism, I learned in my study, is not always being amazing and giving everything you’ve got and creating the most incredible product ever made. Perfectionism’s anxiety: it’s a sense that, ‘If I am not perfect, I’m not worth it’,” she told me. 

The Terrifying Typo 

On the face of it, the job of a writer and editor aligns positively with perfectionism. Being exceptionally careful about facts, grammar usage and spelling is the sweet spot of editorial work. In fact, the more perfectionist an editor is, the better – or so it always seemed to me. 

When I was editor-in-chief of a small weekly newspaper, I wore my perfectionism like a badge of honor. I invented processes for myself that demanded a lot of time and high levels of concentration. If I was editing an article, I’d never read it fewer than three times, proudly announcing to whoever would listen that I’d found something new to correct every time.  

But this extreme attention to detail wasn’t always helpful. I remember finding a typo in the small print of an advertising supplement freshly delivered from the printer. I was horrified. I picked up a pair of scissors and scratched at the misplaced letter until it was obliterated in a scruff of newsprint. Sleepless nights followed, punctuated by harebrained “solutions” like pulping the lot and reprinting a new, perfect batch of magazines.  

Remembering this incident now, I still feel mortified about the error, even though my rational mind reminds me that, as far as I know, no one noticed it. If they did, it had no consequences, which is more or less the same as no one noticing. 

Having heard Aarons-Mele’s take on this particular thought trap, I can see that my response to the typo was multifaceted. It was about producing the best product I could, but it was also about proving my own worth, to myself and other people. My motivation got tangled up, so that when I saw that tiny mistake in print, it registered with me as a total personal fail.  

Let’s Be Excellent 

Perfectionists need to stand back and give themselves an easier time of it, Aarons-Mele believes. We control the urge to be perfect, not the other way around. 

“If we can moderate [perfectionism] and get it out of our way, as one of my favorite interviews in the book – Dr Thomas Greenspan – says, ‘We’ll still be excellent, just without all the attending anxiety’,” she reflects.  

But anxious achievers, don’t worry! This isn’t about lowering our standards. It’s about accepting that life happens and mistakes can slip through. And that “excellent” is – truly – as worthy an outcome as “perfect.” 

Listen to the Full Story

You can listen to or read my full 30-minute interview with Morra Aarons-Mele if you're a Mind Tools member or if your employer is a Mind Tools for Business licensee.

If you're not already a member, join Mind Tools now to gain unlimited access to 2,400+ resources, including our back catalog of 200+ Expert Interviews. Or find out more about Mind Tools for whole organizations, big or small, by contacting our enterprise team.

Meanwhile, catch more excerpts and insights from my guests by searching our Expert Interview blog topic and by signing up free to the Mind Tools Expert Voices podcast.

The post Aim for Excellent, Not Perfect: My Expert Interview With Morra Aarons-Mele  appeared first on Mind Tools.

Certain that a fake news article had sent people into overdrive, I switched on my computer. But it was true. There were major riots breaking out across South Africa.

Immediately, my mind was spinning. Is my family OK? Do I have enough fuel in my car? Is the grocery cupboard stocked? Do I have enough broccoli (my food addiction) and milk (for my coffee addiction)? Most importantly: do I have enough dog food to keep a 45 kg Rottweiler going for a few weeks?

Driven to Distraction

So I sped over to the grocery store, followed by a frantic trip to the vet to get dog food, and piled back into my car. But then it all went south.

As I slowly backed out of the parking spot, and my car's parking sensor beeped to a steady rhythm, my mind was racing. I checked items off the growing to-do list in my head, remembered that I had to phone my aunt when I got home, and worried about being home alone since my husband was out of the country.

I looked at the image on the console from the reverse-view camera as I wondered if I should have picked up more bottled water at the grocery store, and how I'd work if the Wi-Fi went down.

But even as the sensor's beeping became faster, and a large metal pole loomed into the camera's view, my mind was on other things.

My car's fender met the pole. My stomach echoed the thud – and my heart, too.

Repeating the Cycle

This wasn't the first time I'd had a small accident when feeling stressed. The car had already suffered a few bumps and scrapes, I'd dropped a weight on my foot, and I'd even been catapulted off a treadmill because I wasn't concentrating. It's funny now. It wasn't funny then.

I was convinced I'd learned my lesson that I needed to be extra careful when I feel overwhelmed – but obviously I hadn't. I'd heard the beeping of the parking sensor and I'd been watching the camera image. But I'd still dented the fender.

I had identified the lesson after previous incidents, but clearly I hadn't learned it.

If it was truly a lesson learned, I would have applied the knowledge. I would have taken a few seconds to breathe, return to the present, and get my thoughts under control before I started the car.

More Lessons Identified

Burnout

Many people suffer from repeated burnout. They'll tell you that their body often warns them to slow down – and they know that they should listen. Yet, they have to get to the brink of burnout (or worse) before they slow down.

Boundaries

Perhaps you're a people pleaser. Despite learning the hard way that there are some people you can't trust, you continue to compromise your own boundaries for the sake of "keeping the peace." But you can only protect yourself from toxic people if you learn to keep your boundaries firmly in place.

Procrastination

Procrastination causes a specific type of stress: you feel anxious, restless, you can't enjoy anything, and you feel terrible about yourself. After a particularly bad and stressful experience, you promise yourself that you've learned the lesson. You also know how much better you feel when you stay on top of your tasks instead of working through the night. But, slowly, you start procrastinating again until the next crisis hits. Does that sound familiar?

Lessons Identified Vs. Lessons Learned

During Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed the difference between identifying a lesson and learning a lesson. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. How do we usually identify life lessons? What happens?

@HloniphileDlam7 When we stumble we learn the most. Pain also teaches us a lot.

@carriemaslen We can only identify life lessons after we've learned them first hand!

Q2 What's the difference between a lesson identified and a lesson learned?

@SoniaH_MT Lesson Identified + Action Taken or Modified Behavior = Lesson Learned

@SarahH_MT  Lesson identified requires looking back. It's reflecting on what happened and what needs to change. Lesson learned is looking forward and in the present moment. It's also active. By changing x, y, z I got a better outcome. I'll do more of that in the future.

@MarkC_Avgi Burning your hand on something hot, once, is a lesson identified. Burning your hand on something hot, more than once, you only identified it. Obviously, you did not learn anything after you identified the initial lesson.

Q3. Why might we think we've learned the lesson when in fact we've only identified it?

@Yolande_MT I think myself to exhaustion about lessons identified. I think myself so tired that it feels as if I've learned them.

@TheTomGReid Until the lesson is internalized and made part of our belief structure, it is not learned. We might be aware of a certain gap in our logic or sentiment and not be able to explain it. Could be due to it being an ugly truth we are not ready to accept.

Q4. When you hear a business or community leader say "lessons have been learned" what do you see happen next? What would you advise?

@Midgie_MT Often times those are empty words because it is not followed up with tangible, visible action to address the problem/ issue. My advice is to take action and demonstrate what concrete things are being done.

@J_Stephens_CPA More often than not, it only means a lesson has been identified.  Corrective actions need to be taken (not blame).

Q5. What type of lessons seem easy to identify but harder to learn?

@Dwyka_Consult It's very easy to identify lessons that other people need to learn... that's my lesson that's easy to identify and hard to learn: to remember that other people will learn what they learn.

@Tanjiskas For me it's the lessons that require me to change my beliefs, the deepest fibre of my being. Those are really hard because most of the time it is something I have learned in childhood.

Q6. What strategies or techniques have you discovered to learn lessons more quickly?

@TheTomGReid Rather than make resolutions based on your "resolve" set up systems that modify your behavior. Keep the cookies on the top shelf until you stop buying them at all. All your goals can be achieved if you set up the systems that modify your behavior. Willpower is weak.

@SoniaH_MT Asking or researching someone else who has successfully conquered the issue you're dealing with can help you learn lessons more quickly.

Q7. How and when do you know if you've learned the lesson?

@lg217 You will know when your life lesson is learned once you are able to identify the lesson as well as understand the life lesson to the point when you know the ins and outs as well if what you learned is right or wrong to do.

@ZalkaB When you are in a similar situation or faced with similar circumstances, and it doesn't trigger you anymore and/ or you react differently, because you've changed.

Q8. What lessons have you identified that you're still struggling to learn?

@J_Stephens_CPA  I keep "volunteering."

@MarkC_Avgi To not get "sucked in" to topics on Twitter by responding to tweets which I have strong opinions about, or to attend every argument I am invited to.

Q9. How do you begin to move from lesson learned to lesson applied?

@yehiadief When you teach the lesson to others.

@SarahH_MT By being more mindful, building in more time to notice earlier what's working and what isn't, building self-awareness, setting personal goals and commitments, creating habits and routines that support/ reinforce the learning, being prepared for imperfection.

Q10. In what way can you help others identify and learn life lessons?

@ColfaxInsurance Ultimately, the power to identify and learn those lessons is up to them. You can offer advice, share your own experiences, and point out patterns, but they will need to do the learning on their own.

@HloniphileDlam7 First, find them; connect to what drives them and you will understand their path, share experience, warn and caution, and also be there when they learn their lessons – usually there are tears involved. By just being there they will learn the most from you.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat over here.

Coming Up

If you're struggling to move from lesson identified to lesson learned to lesson applied, an accountability partner might be just what you need. Next time on #MTtalk we'll be discussing accountability partners. In our Twitter poll this week, we want to know which characteristics you'd like to see in an accountability partner.

Resources

Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.

Developing Self-Awareness

10 Common Leadership and Management Mistakes

The Power of Good Habits

Intentional Change Theory

How to Defeat Self-Sabotage Video

Self-Mastery

How to Learn From Your Mistakes

Breaking Bad Habits

Self-Sabotage

8 Ways to Improve Self-Regulation

Golden Rules of Goal-Setting

Mindfulness in the Workplace

The post Lessons Identified Vs. Lessons Learned – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

But what if the tables were turned and it was your colleague that slipped up? Would you remind them about their failures? Or tell them that they would have succeeded had they only worked harder?

Unless you're the most unpopular person in the office, chances are the answer is no. Instead, you'd try to make them feel better, offer some perspective, or question why they're wasting their time over something that can't be changed.

So, why do so many of us deny ourselves the same level of compassion that we give to others?

Your Top Tips for Showing Self-Compassion

We wanted to know how you show self-compassion. So, we asked our friends and followers on social media, "How do you show yourself self-compassion when you fall short of your goals or make a mistake?" Here is a selection of your great replies.

What Is, and Is Not, Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion isn't an opportunity to pity yourself or inflate your ego. Instead, it's about caring for yourself in painful moments and guiding yourself to the light at the end of the tunnel. Whether that's with kind words of encouragement, or even just a slice of cake!

According to the author, professor and leading authority on self-compassion, Dr. Kristin Neff, "with self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we'd give to a good friend."

Twitter follower Paul Gray, a marketing manager from Scotland, adopts this same technique when he makes mistakes. He said, "I imagine I'm advising someone else if I'm being heavily critical of myself. What advice would I give a friend or colleague in my situation? This then challenges the issue at hand and often takes away the 'big stick' that I'm beating myself with."

On LinkedIn, director and leadership coach Fiona Gifford echoed this sentiment. She believes that in order to be kind to yourself, and look at your failures objectively, you have to "treat yourself as you would a friend."

Watch Your Language

The first step to being kind to yourself is silencing your inner critic.

Often, this voice represents the perfectionist inside of you. But, according to Brighton-based managing director and LinkedIn follower Georgia Rooney, "Perfection is a red herring that stops us from just getting on with it." She recommends Tara Mohr's book, Playing Big, to learn more about how your inner critic affects your ability to achieve your goals.

Many overly self-critical people are compulsively negative. As a result, they often won't notice their inner critic until it's too late. If you're prone to habitual negativity, it may be time to develop your self-awareness.

Our Facebook friend Jordan Williams, an admission counselor from Utah, uses self-awareness to "correct negative self-talk and replace it with affirmations." Positive affirmations are a great way to ditch unhelpful, negative thought processes. But a compassionate, positive outlook doesn't have to be all sunshine and rainbows. It's about making the best of a bad situation.

Have You Set the Bar Too High?

One way you can adopt self-compassion is to ask yourself why you didn't succeed. Your cynical side may try to convince you that you weren't good enough or didn't try hard enough. But perhaps the real reason was that you set the bar too high.

Perfectionists often have a habit of setting themselves outlandish goals with unrealistic deadlines. But no matter how much time and effort you invest, you are only human, and can only do so much.

On Linkedin, CEO Cheryl Clemons asserted that sometimes, good enough is good enough. She said, "Remind yourself that you did your best within that specific set of circumstances, e.g. with the information you had, how you were feeling on the day, and what else you were juggling. Reflect and think about what can improve things for next time, and don't feel shy about sharing your experience with others."

Meanwhile, on Twitter, Louisa‏ suggested shifting your focus from the big picture to small wins. When working toward her own goals, she said, "I remind myself how far I've come and that it really is OK to take small steps toward my goals."

Jo Cook‏, from Surrey in the U.K., highlighted the importance of regularly reviewing your goals: "Remember that goals aren't written in stone. They can, and should, change." In other words, if you're struggling to get the job done, then you may need to reassess your game plan.

A Matter of Perspective

They say time heals all wounds. It can offer perspective and help you to see your blunders as opportunities to learn, rather than moments to forget. 

From all the way across the pond in Cincinnati, our Facebook friend Aaron Spaulding reminds us that "failure and shortcomings are only temporary. As a chronic perfectionist, I often remind myself that perfection doesn't happen overnight. It takes practice and a lot of patience."

On Linkedin, Mind Tools' own Charlotte Buckingham and Suzanne White both said that they see mistakes as lessons. Charlotte asked, "In a year's time, will you be upset over it? If not, try not to let it stress you too much." Suzanne added, "I think mistakes are positive as they create an opportunity to learn and/or change something!"

Twitter follower, Eric Nulens, also uses perspective as a tool to show self-compassion. He said, "I will listen to what I've been criticized about, ask myself what's the reason, and put it in perspective. Most of the time, anything you say or do is almost immediately forgotten by other people."

It's important to remember that you can't change what has already happened. Torturing yourself over past failures will only waste precious time and effort. Instead, use the lessons you've learned to develop yourself and prevent future mistakes.

Turn Self-Compassion Into a Habit

Dr. Neff maintains that self-compassion is a positive habit that requires regular practice and attention. Jo Cook reinforced this point by quoting mindfulness expert Dr. Shauna Shapiro's wise words, "What you practice grows stronger." She went on to say, "If that is a self-critical voice, you'll be awesome at it. I'm trying a compassionate voice."

The post How to Show Self-Compassion – Your Top Tips! appeared first on Mind Tools.

“People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves.”
― Paulo Coelho, Brazilian novelist

Facing a new year, I've always wondered what the next 12 months may hold. Perhaps if I knew what was going to happen I'd be able to plan better. However, even with planned events I don't always feel prepared enough.

Knowing what the future holds won't necessarily help me make the best of it. And, maybe if I know what the future holds, I'll be too fearful to live in the moment.

I've come to the conclusion that knowing what the future holds isn't the most important thing. It's more important to know what we've learned from the past and, by implication, from experience, and how to apply that learning.

Today, I'd like to share with you a few things that I've learned from experience that continue to serve me exceptionally well.

Experience Self-Respect and Gratitude

Things aren't always as they seem. The lesson here is that you shouldn't be quick to judge. Your particular experience of situations or incidents can often influence how you see things, and your perception may be at odds with how things really are.

Let it go, or let it grow. You cannot change the past. You have free will and can choose whatever makes you happy. Every choice comes with a consequence and responsibility. So, if you choose to hold onto grudges, remember that they come with a mental, emotional and spiritual weight that you alone can carry.

You can't respect others if you don't respect yourself first. You can't give what you don't have. If your self-respect cup isn't full, it's going to be hard to find any surplus that you can give to others. You might be able to do it for a while, but soon the supply will be exhausted.

Integrity and compliance are two different things. If you're honest only when others are looking, or because you're being checked up on, it's compliance. If you're honest with yourself and others when no-one is watching, it's integrity.

Don't expect others to live according to your values. The implication of expecting others to live according to your values is that you'll expect them to make choices and to behave in ways that suit you. But because expectation often leads to disappointment, that can cause you to live in an almost permanent state of disappointment.

Live in gratitude. Cultivate an attitude of being thankful for small things. Doing so can change your perspective and help you to be more appreciative of what you have. Don't know what to wear in the morning? Be thankful, because it means you have more than one set of clothes.

Learning From Experience

We often learn important skills from experience. In our Twitter poll this week, we wanted to know what skill you learned where experience was your teacher. In our poll, 34 percent of respondents selected perseverance. To see all the options and results, click here.

Here are the questions we asked in our Twitter chat, and some of the responses:

Q1. Is learning from experience the best way to learn?

@ClkContrl In most cases, yes! It's the most natural way to learn. Obviously we can learn from others' experiences, but it might never have the same impact.

@carriemaslen Lessons learned from firsthand experience tend to stick with us.

@TheCraigKaye Experiential learning is very important, but so are resources, support, and a protected environment where we can reflect on this experience, such as keep-in-touch meetings, supervision, and peer support.

Q2. Is there anything that can only be learned from experience?

@upasana_arora4 One example is parenting. It has to be experienced, and no theoretical knowledge can give you the patience to deal with a child.

@LernChance Yes! Riding a bike. Try to explain that to a kid. Or falling in love. You have to experience this.

@WonderPix It also depends how we define "experience." Sometimes we re-learn when we re-experience things.

Q3. Why is learning from experience so powerful?

@MicheleDD_MT Learning from experience is embedded in reality. There are consequences (good and bad) to the choices and decisions made. The learning comes from the lesson we take from the experience, and acting on it.

@harrisonia Learning by experience is powerful because it forces our mind to work while engaging the senses.

Q4. Which experiences outside of work have contributed most to who you are today? What did you learn?

@MarcC_Avgi Growing up on a farm. I learned how to be self-sufficient, the importance and value of hard work, how to look at solutions from different angles, about responsibility, about animals, plants, nature, how to build and fix things, and much more.

@BrainBlenderTec Most experiences, because people are put in your path for a reason. Learn from them or forever repeat till you do.

Q5. What mistakes at work are you glad you made?

@MicheleDD_MT Leaving a job to go to another organization. Despite doing research before accepting the position, the place was toxic. I left and went back to my former company. Lesson: humility and gratitude.

@BrainBlenderTec Every single one of them, as it was the mistakes that had the greatest lessons.

@Yolande_MT Making mistakes when dealing with people and having a boss who mentored and guided me. It changed my life.

Q6. Thinking about your career, which work experiences have shaped you most as a leader? Why?

@Yolande_MT Having to manage people with vastly different value sets than mine. It taught me not to be judgmental.

@Ganesh_Sabari The freedom to take initiatives, the management tolerating my mistakes, and the learning I derived from those mistakes.

@harrisonia I have a healthy understanding and respect for staff at different levels. As a leader, I have not forgotten what it means to work in the trenches.

Q7. If we learn from experience, why do we sometimes repeat the same mistakes?

@harrisonia Though we learn from experience, we sometimes repeat the same mistakes because "we don't know what we don't know until we KNOW that we don't know it."

@Ganesh_Sabari It may be our ability to forgive, or providing more credit than is deserved. Or, it may be our lack of observation and assimilation.

@carriemaslen A key step to learning and growing is to be honestly and brutally self-aware.

Q8. How can we learn from experiences at work? What strategies do you use?

@MarcC_Avgi I can learn something from each and every experience at work, good or bad. Focus on the things you learned as opposed to dwelling on the bad experience.

@harrisonia We can learn from experiences at work by accepting that when others use different processes to reach the same goal, it does not mean they are wrong.

@hopegovind Try new ways of doing the work and find out what you learn from them. Work with a new team every time and mix the kind of people. You will see amazing diversity.

@llake We have to be mindful that we're having an experience. Sometimes we are so busy, we don't slow down to learn and absorb. We learn that we are stronger than we thought and stronger together. Networking and mentoring are great teaching experiences.

Q9. How can we support team members so that they get exposure to the experiences that they need to grow?

@LifeSpeak One way to support colleagues and expose them to helpful growth opportunities is through mentorship. The process can be highly rewarding and mutually beneficial.

@hopegovind Send them for cross-functional experience and send them to a new assignment every time.

@BrainBlenderTec Let them make mistakes, but be there to help them up and offer tips that can lead to their decision.

Q10. As we start a new year, what experiences from 2018 will inform, inspire or influence you in 2019, and how?

@ClkContrl Our team recently doubled and we're offering new services, so I'm remembering that we are a small business at our core, and we need to use that mindset to our strengths as we continue growing into the new year.

@Midgie_MT My greatest achievement in 2018 was the completion of a half Ironman triathlon race (where I came third in my age group!). I will use the same dedication and discipline this year that I used to prepare for my race and apply it to growing my business.

@Yolande_MT Once again for me it’s this: love your neighbor as yourself. If only I can get that right, half the battle will be won.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat.

Coming Up

Next time on #MTtalk, we're going to talk about Using Charity to Make a Difference. Which charities do you or your organization support, and why? How do you support them? What kind of a difference does it make to people's lives? And what benefits do you get from this activity? Read our blog on Tuesday, January 15 to find out more.

Resources

In the meantime, here are some more resources that relate to learning from experience. (Please note, some of the resources listed below are only available in full to members of the Mind Tools Club.)

How to Learn From Your Mistakes

Coach Yourself to Success

Self-Mastery

Making Amends

How to Handle Criticism

Recovering Your Reputation

Journaling for Professional Development

Level 5 Leadership

Dweck’s Fixed and Growth Mindsets

70:20:10

The post Learning From Experience – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

They can even help you overtake that competitor, if they can be spread effectively throughout your organization. But, what if you asked yourself, "Are these really the best practices for my company – or does someone just say they are?"

Is It Best Practice, or Just Bad Habits?

This might be a difficult question, but it could yield surprising and beneficial answers, according to Freek Vermeulen, Professor of Strategy and Entrepreneurship at London Business School.

His research has revealed that many presumed "best practices" don't deliver on their promises, and he urges us to take another look at our assumptions.

For instance, we may think that if we do what a successful competitor does, we will also flourish. But that may not be the case.

"We look at high-performing companies and imitate their practices," Vermeulen explains. "But, sometimes, inadvertently, we're just copying some company that basically got lucky."

In other words, that practice we’re adopting with such gusto may have nothing to do with our competitor's wins.

Long-Term and Short-Term Effects

Then there's the issue of perspective. Something that works well in the short term may well be risky as a long-term approach. Take cost cutting, for example.

"In the very short term, cost cutting reduces your cost and therefore improves your performance," says Vermeulen. "What we also know from research is that in the long term it can lead to problems: problems with employee morale, problems with innovation, and so on.

"Hence, because of the short-term benefits we may not realize that this is a bad practice. The harmful effects only happen in the long term and are much more intangible."

All this makes sense, yet organizations often resist challenging and changing the way they do business, because their best practices have become habits.

Recognize Your Bad Habits

In his book, Breaking Bad Habits: Defy Industry Norms and Reinvigorate Your Business, Vermeulen presents some well-grounded tips for recognizing and avoiding bad practices. As you might expect from a book that's all about swimming against the tide, his advice is not designed to make you feel comfortable.

For instance, what's your view of "change for change's sake"? For Vermeulen, organizations should be in a perpetual state of transformation, continually assessing the effectiveness of how they do business.

"I'm not advocating that more change is better, and all change is good," he tells me in our Expert Interview podcast. "What I'm really advocating [is] to change before you're in trouble. If you do change proactively, cumulatively, you will probably get away with less change than when you wait for trouble."

Make Your Life Difficult

We should also should try to make our lives difficult, says Vermeulen. "I do not mean 'difficult' in the sense of, 'Go enter the Chinese market in a completely different product category,’" he clarifies.

"That's certainly difficult, but you're unlikely to benefit from it. What I mean with 'make your life difficult' is do difficult variants of your job, or of your product," he adds.

As an example, he tells me about his research into the in-vitro fertilization industry. It makes commercial sense for fertility clinics to focus on patients who are likely to get pregnant through standard procedures – the easy cases, if you will.

But, in clinics that choose to focus on more complex and problematic patients, doctors stretch themselves and become more skilled at treating all patients, not just the difficult cases. "This makes the whole organization better," Vermeulen points out.

Everyone Has a Role to Play

As a Professor of Strategy, Vermeulen's focus tends to be on organizational decision making.

But he believes that everyone has a role to play in identifying and kicking the bad habits that plague organizations, no matter what their position – as he explains in this audio clip from our Expert Interview:

Question: How often do you analyze your "best practices"? Join the discussion below!

The post Best Practice or Just Bad Habits? appeared first on Mind Tools.

An anonymous genius once said, "When it comes to our own mistakes we are very good lawyers. When it comes to others' mistakes we are very good judges." When we make a big mistake, some of our first thoughts might be, "Uh-oh! Who's going to find out about this?" Or, "Can I keep this hush?"

You might be lucky enough to get the chance to repair the damage before anyone finds out. But if your mistake is instantly noticeable or has immediate repercussions, your best bet is to own up to it, apologize, and do what you can to put it right.

Chances are, a swift admission of an honest mistake will incur no harsher penalty than a rap across the knuckles.

But if you try to hide a mistake, you're on the path toward a dangerous game of cover-up. And that's something that's been frowned upon for centuries! Confucius advised against this approach 2,500 years ago. He said, "Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes."

And Howard Baker, a former U.S. senator who investigated the Watergate scandal warned, "It is almost always the cover-up rather than the event that causes trouble."

If we do confess, does it have to be to the boss? Not necessarily, according to writer and PR expert Ashley Cobert. Writing for themuse.com, she said, "Decide on the most appropriate person to tell. Approach that person with a clear, concise description of what happened. Tell her you'd appreciate her help and understand you're utilizing her valuable time. Apologize – once – and then present your solutions."

We at least cover ourselves against the possibility that our boss finds out and charges us with covering up our "crimes" if we can say that we've brought our mistakes to someone's attention.

Let's return to the stomach-churning moment when you realized that you'd made "a howler." TechRepublic writer Alan Norton's advice is to "take a few deep breaths," then ask yourself a few pertinent questions, such as:

• Will I take unnecessary and dangerous risks to correct my mistake?
• Am I in over my head and need help?
• Can I fix this problem without making it worse?

Often, you'll be able to handle a mistake with no need to sound an alarm. But if you do step forward and take responsibility for it, career development expert Kayla Krupnick Walsh provides this final piece of advice: stay calm! She said, "Your demeanor will rub off on the person you are speaking with. If you are agitated, they will be too."

Have you had your own disaster dilemma? How did you decide what to do and what have you learned from the experience? Share your tips and queries in the comments section below.

The post I Made a Mistake! Should I Keep Quiet? appeared first on Mind Tools.

Here's an opportunity to learn without paying any price. Because, in this case, the mistake was all mine...

Setting the Scene

A generation ago, I eagerly accepted a new job leading Human Resources at an emerging company of 10 people. I met all of the young, energized employees, thrilled to be working with the world's tech leaders. My job was to quickly find great talent to keep pace with the company's rapid growth.

A little background is perhaps required at this point.

At the time of my hiring, there was a rapid increase in PCs interfacing with other devices. The problem was that to share these new connectivity methods amounted to giving away the developers' "secret sauce." Soon, a non-profit association emerged with the goal of establishing standardized protocols. Virtually all companies readily agreed that this was a good idea - easily interfacing with other devices would greatly expand the markets for their products.

Where I Come In...

The association members were mostly VP-level experts, but reaching an agreement that suited all parties turned out to be difficult. An Apple iOS software standard, for instance, would be intolerable to Microsoft and vice-versa. There were similar conflicts in terms of hardware.

The association execs would meet, agree upon some steps, but then flounder when it came to getting them done. Their paying "day jobs" always had priority.

They would offer to have their company work on it, but other members would object. Why? Fear that the emerging standard would adhere too closely to that company's existing products and processes.

Our company skillfully stepped into this mess and provided objective day-to-day management of the association's affairs.

The Mistake

But, back to my mistake.

As I watched my new cohorts perform their duties, I crafted my recruitment pitch. "Come to work with us," I said, "and you’ll be flying all over the world. You'll meet with senior execs of the companies you most admire in swanky hotels. Together, you'll develop the marketing plans to recruit new association members. Together, your work will establish the standards of the next generation of IT!"

Imagine being a young marketing professional presented with that kind of offer. As a recruiter, I never had it so easy.

Now wait for it... here it comes...

But, we experienced an extremely high turnover rate during my first year. So why was this? Well, from exit interviews, as well as some precious time spent with those in the trenches, I gleaned the answer.

First, as some of you know all too well, worldwide travel and luxury hotels quickly lose their appeal. Secondly, the hours were long. Many of the all-day flights around the globe were on weekends, after a 45- to 50-hour work week.

Finally, I had a poor grasp of the scope of the actual work. The marketing plans were hatched and honed by the association's skilled executives (and our employees once they'd been around the block a year or two). It turned out that the role of our entry-level workers was mundane. They were asked to take meeting minutes, translate them into action plans for committee members, perform meet-and-greets at convention booths, and (all too often) do the least glamorous tasks, because the members just never quite got around to doing them.

A Lesson Learned

My recruitment process was adjusted to emphasize the hard work, long hours, and the tediousness of the actual role.

And, while I no longer had candidates tripping over one another to get to the front of the line, the new process worked. Turnover fell dramatically and morale improved. New candidates' expectations were more aligned to the job at hand.

In case I've left you with a faulty impression about the company, it's actually a fantastic place to work. It just isn't for everybody. Those competent and comfortable with hard work and near-obsessive diligence earn fantastic wages and develop meaningful relations with world leaders in the cutting-edge, high-tech world.

The lesson for me and you is this. The essence of a slogan or pitch is to be appealing. My original pitch met the standard of being consistent with the vision and mission of the company but where I failed was in correctly articulating the range of values required to bring success to the mission.

To summarize, I'll steal a few words from the futurist writer Alvin Toffler: "You’ve got to think about the big things while you're doing the small things, so that all the small things go in the right direction." 

How have you recovered from a mistake that you've made at work? Share your own story with us, below...

The post How My Small Mistake Led to Big Problems appeared first on Mind Tools.

As I re-played various scenarios in my mind, the lesson that I kept coming back to was the importance of learning from my mistakes.

I don't like making mistakes and I often feel despondent if I've made a mistake. At times I even feel like a total failure. Here's the shocker: I think that all of those feelings are justified if I don't learn from my mistakes.

Here are a few thoughts on what I've learned about making mistakes:

• While I'm defending or justifying my mistake, I won't learn from it. Only when I admit the mistake will I start learning from the experience.
• I want to learn from my mistakes because they are teachers, created for me, by me.
• If I learn quickly and thoroughly, it may be painful in the beginning but it's the best way through.

And so I thought my lessons from 2016 were done and dusted – until early this morning. Suddenly I realized that I was expecting someone else to have also learned my lesson. I felt extremely disappointed in that person until I realized that my biggest lesson from 2016 is this: my lessons are my lessons and mine only. Everybody has his or her own lessons to learn and people will only learn from yours if they choose to.

Our #MTtalk Twitter chat is a space where we choose to learn from one another. During our chat this past Friday, we discussed "Highlights and Lessons from 2016."

Here are the questions and some responses from our participants:

Questions about "Highlights and Lessons from 2016"

Question 1: What was the toughest challenge you faced at work this year?

@hopegovind To deal with someone who is strong in his view and isn't logical all the time, and to perform as per his expectation.

@FloraBarton Balancing all the change that came this year while trying to maintain everyone's work/life balance.

Getting work/life balance right was a common theme with many people saying it was their toughest challenge.

Question 2: What were some of the biggest lessons you learned this year?

@ZalkaB Small steps. Everything can be achieved in a certain amount of time and nothing can be rushed. It all takes time, so be patient.

@jprofNB Be actively listening, in the moment with others. Process before, act after.

Question 3: What surprised you about yourself during 2016, positive or negative?

It's easy to spot our own negatives and it was great to see our participants also acknowledging the positives!

@amypen64 Positive: that I could do the job I was hired for. Negative: I'm still too direct and not positive all the time.

@Singh_Vandana How resilient, self-confident and calm I could be and that my 'Faith' is bigger than my 'Fears.'

@MicheleDD_MT That I don’t hesitate when making tough decisions. I make them and follow through on them. I’m not afraid to do what’s right.

Question 4: What are you most proud of achieving this year, and why?

@Midgie_MT Proud of publishing my book, Winning Strategies. Since publishing 1st book in 2013, I knew I wanted this workbook done!

@BrainBlenderTec Most proud of exceeding expectations but my pride is in those that I helped and see achieve their dreams.

Question 5: Who taught you most in 2016, and how?

The answers ranged from well-known figures to children and friends, but for some of us it wasn't a "who", but a "what":

@Yolande_MT Seeing my father's last days on earth taught me the importance of living with absolute ‪integrity. He had complete ‪peace.

@PramodDrSolanki When I had to confront a changed context, it built great resilience: emotional and spiritual. Difficult to believe!

Question 6: What is your top tip for others, based on what you learned in 2016?

@harrisonia Top tip: once you've set your mind to achieving a reasonably well thought out goal, let NO ONE discourage u from reaching it.

@yehiadief Have patience and take action when you need to.

Next time, on #MTtalk...

With the new year about to kick off, we'd like to know some more about your goals. So, please cast your vote in our Twitter poll over here.

In our next #MTtalk on Friday 6 January, we'll be talking about "2017 – Making Your Goals Work for You." We'd like you to share your goal-setting tips with us while also learning more about making sure you reach your goals. Please join us at 1pm EST / 6pm GMT.

To see what's being discussed, type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function. Then, click on “All Tweets” and you’ll be able to follow the live chat feed. And to take part in the conversation yourself, simply include #MTtalk in your tweet and it will show up in the chat feed.

Resources

In the meantime, here are some resources if you'd like to read more about learning from past mistakes, take a look at these articles:

Coping With Change

Making Amends

Developing Resilience

Top 10 Personal Morale Boosters

Coping Under Pressure

Beating Self-Sabotage

Self-Mastery

Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

The post #MTtalk: Highlights and Lessons from 2016 appeared first on Mind Tools.

“We were really impressed. You've got the job. When can you start?”

A Rush of Feelings

So many different feelings wash over you… happy that you got the job, sad that you might be leaving your current employer, confused about what to do next. Should you take the job? Is it right for you? How will you tell your manager?

There's a great satisfaction that comes with getting positive feedback on your résumé, and realizing that you've come across well in an interview. Also, that the interviewers saw potential in you above your competition, and that your qualifications and experience are desirable. But sometimes, despite all of that, you're still left questioning whether it really is the job for you.

A while back in my career, I was lucky enough to be offered a new job. I'd been with my then current employer for a number of years and thought it might be good to have a change. There was nothing wrong with my current role as such. I liked the people, my manager was lovely, the work was what I wanted to do and it kept me busy (in a good way). And yet I couldn't help wondering whether there was something better out there, whether I needed a new challenge.

So I accepted the job.

Living up to Expectations

But I was sadder than I thought I would be when it came around to leaving, and more nervous to be starting somewhere new than I'd expected. I'd made some really good friends at my old place. My manager had tried to get me to stay and the managing director had even caught me in the corridor to ask why I wanted to leave.

In spite of my concerns, I told myself that I'd made my choice and would stick by it. My first day at the new company finally came, and with it all the nerves and excitement of starting a new job. But, when I got there, I was shown to a desk in a small corner office. It was closed plan… how did I not realize this before? What I found out later was that you could sometimes go for a couple of days without seeing anyone, particularly if the other two people who worked in my bit of the office were away.  I'd only ever worked in open plan offices before, and this new way of working felt isolating.

I also began to notice that the parts of the job specification that I was really interested in, and that had attracted me to the role in the first place, represented only a very small part of the workload. And that, in fact, what I ended up doing mostly was either basic admin stuff or… nothing at all!

In fact, looking back, it turned out to be a bit of a non-job. At one point, a week went by without any work crossing my desk. "That's it," I thought. "This just doesn't feel like the right job for me."

Accepting My Mistake

The job wasn't at all like it was advertised and, ultimately, learning nothing was getting me nowhere fast. I thought that I'd left my old job for a new prospect that was going to challenge me and broaden my skills. Instead, it felt like a massive step back. Sure it was more money, but only marginally… and was it really worth it for that small increase in salary? I asked to speak to my manager and explained how I felt. He understood. I guess that's what a probation period is for.

Luckily for me, I'd kept on good terms with my old employer, and they welcomed me back with open arms. Walking back into my old office might have been embarrassing (the first time at least), but ultimately it was the right decision for me to make. Not only for my career, but also for my personal happiness and sanity (there's only so much nothing you can do).

If you have been in a similar situation or are unsure of a job offer that you've recently received, have a look at our new article and remember, don't make the same mistake that I made. Look before you leap!

The post The Job That Turned Into a Mistake appeared first on Mind Tools.

Yes, I am waxing lyrical about my experience of being in a cell phone store. I was there to buy a new model of phone, and, as far as customer experience goes, this was lining up to be a great one.

My experience of this company's brand and its products began way earlier than my visit to the store. Around that time, I felt busier than ever and was getting a bit muddled with my self-organization techniques. I felt that a cell phone that could do lots of different jobs would help. The company's marketing material claimed it offered great quality of service, value-for-money deals, and the latest products, so I decided to go for it.

As the customer service adviser approached me, I went to say hi and to ask for what I needed, and … he swept on past me, brushing my shoulder as he went! He was in the middle of helping someone else. I looked around the store and noticed how the other salespeople were all with customers or were rushing to and from the storeroom, looking harassed. Unfortunately, things went completely downhill from this point. I was ignored by the staff, then spoken to abruptly and sullenly, and, to top it all, when I said I might go elsewhere for a phone, the store assistant shrugged. So I did.

When I showed surprise at my experience in the store, the assistant informed me that they were short staffed, "As always," and that they were on the point of walking out themselves. I decided to cut my losses and head off to find an alternative. The second store's sales assistant was careful to find out what I needed and suggested a model that would suit me.

I've bought further products from that store since, which is no surprise really. Most people don't have the time or inclination to continually shop around for new products, so they will find an outlet that they like (online or in store) and stick to it. Losing me as a customer seemed to matter not a jot to the first assistant, however it cost the company the sale of two phones, a tablet, a mobile internet card, and service contracts spanning several years. Really and truly their loss, not mine.

The company that I chose not to buy from had done all the right things to create a great experience for me - up to a point. It may have stocked all the best brands and marketed itself well, it even fitted out its store to be enticing and exciting, but it wasn't looking after the one thing that was (essentially) its bread and butter: its customer-facing staff. Organizations have long sought out their customers' views with surveys and incentivized questionnaires, but this one would have been better off asking its frontline staff how they were feeling.

When I walked out of the first store, I felt put out at the rep's behavior. But, then I felt sorry for him. He was trying to serve in an environment that was not helping him achieve his objectives, and this is fundamentally important...  There are five key areas that are critical to enabling good customer service and if these are not met, we're asking reps to do the impossible. These key areas are:

1. Having a customer-oriented product or service.
2. Overcoming competitors.
3. Questioning customers.
4. Developing a company-wide mindset.
5. Building relationships.

Take this quiz to develop your customer service skills and find out how you can place your customer at the center of everything you do. If you are successful at this, you will turn them into your best advocates and keep them coming back for more.

What's been your best experience of customer service? How did it make you feel? If you're a customer service representative, let us know if you've ever gone that extra mile for someone? Did you get the recognition you deserved after? Join in the discussion below!

The post It Pays to Look After Customer-Facing Staff appeared first on Mind Tools.